By Wendy Rose Gould 

If you love rom-coms and steamy romance reads, you’re probably no stranger to sweeping declarations of love. But if you’re hearing big words a little too fast and too often from someone new you’re dating, you might be getting love bombed.

Love bombing is when someone floods you with intense affection and grand gestures. It can be a sign that someone’s a little emotionally immature and inexperienced with relationships. Worst-case, it’s a calculated move to reel you in and influence how you feel about that person. Here’s what love bombing is, how to spot the signs, and what to do if it’s happening to you.

What is love bombing? 

In dating, love bombing occurs when someone shows an intense interest in the other person. It happens early, right when healthy relationships are supposed to be about getting to know each other.

“Love bombing comes on fast and it comes on hard,” says therapist Leanna Stockard. “It is referred to as love bombing, because it goes beyond the traditional way of getting to know someone.”

Instead of a steady build to something real, love bombing feels more like a chaotic rush with no real foundation.

Signs of love bombing

While regular romance feels natural, love bombing comes on fast. It’s not always obvious and often happens in stages, but there are some common red flags:

• Excessive attention via a surge of texts, calls, and requests to hang out 
• Over-the-top compliments and affection, like being told you’re “perfect,” “unlike anyone else,” or a “dream partner” 
• Being showered with gifts and gestures 
• Being told sweeping promises about your future together 
• Grand gestures such as surprise trips and public declarations of love 
• Wanting to move the relationship to the next level very quickly

If it all feels a little too rushed and you’ve got that nagging feeling something’s wrong, listen to your gut.

Is it love bombing? 

Much like the aftermath of an explosion, being on the receiving end of love bombing can feel disorienting, dizzying, and downright confusing. There may also be quite a bit of fallout after the “warm and fuzzy” stage. This can happen at any time, but it tends to occur after the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship when things start to feel more “real.” 

“Love bombing is often followed up with a ‘devaluation’ phase that’s typical when the dating leads to a relationship,” notes Mary Kate Murphy, a relationship expert and dating coach. 

This “devaluation” is apt to occur because that fiery, overwhelming expression of affection and adoration simply isn’t sustainable. The person love bombing might lose interest or become standoffish or bitter once your relationship settles into a real-world cadence and things don’t feel as fresh. Or, it’s possible that they were being manipulative to earn your affection and never truly meant what they said. 

“The whiplash from the high to low makes the recipient of love bombing wonder what they did wrong, and can lead them to become obsessive about getting that old feeling back,” notes Amy Chan, relationship expert and founder of Breakup Bootcamp. 

This can create an unhealthy power dynamic, where the person in “withdrawal” desperately tries to win back the love bomber’s approval. It’s especially likely if the person struggles with low self-esteem or values being in a relationship more than being in the right relationship .

Is love bombing intentional?

Love bombing has an impact on people, but it’s not always done knowingly. Some people are more inclined to love bomb because of their attachment style, whereas others do it to purposefully manipulate. 

“There are some people, especially those who score high on narcissism, who love bomb intentionally. They have a self-serving goal and target someone to be the means to an end,” says Chan. It might be that they get a rush from earning your affection, or it could also be that they’re only after something physical, or that they’re biding their time until another relationship or person comes along. 

In some cases, says Chan, people may not even be aware they are love bombing. For instance, Chan notes that some people with avoidant attachment are really good at courtship and making someone feel special. Getting someone to fall for them gives them a rush and makes them feel alive, but when the connection gets too close for comfort, they instinctively pull away. 

In other cases, love bombing stems from the “fantasy love story” script we’re fed beginning in our childhood. These bold proclamations and grand gestures are positioned as romantic in cinema and books, and there’s a tendency to adopt them in our real life. While it’s OK to speckle these romantic overtures into relationships, we must ultimately remember that real, true love takes time to build. 

How to respond to love bombing 

Start by recognizing the red flags—if it’s all happening too fast, you’re feeling uneasy, or your friends are side-eyeing things, love bombing might be in play. And don’t forget to set some boundaries—they’re your best defense.

“Have a conversation to let them know that you want to slow things down, and get to know each other through time,” says Chan. “You can share that the constant showering of affection and gestures is making you uncomfortable.” 

Stick to the boundaries you set. If the other person ignores them or reacts poorly, Stockard says that this is a red flag in and of itself. It’s totally fine to create some distance.

Love bombing isn’t about thinking you’re worthy of love (obviously, you are). It’s about power struggles and emotional chaos, which ultimately set the stage for failure. Real love takes its time, stays steady, and actually lasts. So, if it feels too much too soon, trust your gut—it’s probably not the real thing.