By Chloe Laws 

Spending time together doesn’t always mean you’re truly connecting. You can sit next to someone for hours, scrolling on your phones, and still feel miles apart. That’s because quality time isn’t just about being in the same space—it’s about how you engage with each other. Without quality time, problems in your relationship can arise, so it’s important to factor it in. 

If the way you feel most loved is quality time, you probably crave undivided attention from your partner, meaningful conversations, and shared experiences that deepen your bond. But if your partner is different, they might think simply being around you is enough. So, how can you define quality time in a way that strengthens your relationship? And what can you do if you and your partner have different ways that make you feel most connected and loved? Let’s break it down.

What does ‘quality time’ really mean?

At its core, quality time means being fully present with someone, mentally, emotionally, and physically. It’s about giving each other attention in a way that feels intentional. This could be a deep conversation over dinner in your favorite local Italian restaurant, an afternoon spent doing a new activity, or simply taking a walk and checking in with each other.

Dr. Gary Chapman, who introduced the concept of the five Love Language types, defines quality time as “giving someone your undivided attention.” That means having no other distractions, and nowhere else to be apart from with your partner. 

It’s not about how much time you spend together, it’s about how you use that time. A two-hour dinner filled with genuine conversation beats an entire holiday spent distracted and disengaged. 

Examples of quality time in a relationship

Quality time looks different for everyone. For some, it’s about adventure and shared experiences. For others, it’s about deep talks and emotional connection. Here are a few quality time examples:

• Engaging in uninterrupted conversation: Ask about each other’s goals, dreams, and thoughts, rather than just exchanging daily logistics. Less “did you take the bins out?”, more “what are our future goals?”. 
• Trying something new together: Whether it’s a cooking class, a weekend road trip, or playing a new sport  (paddle, anyone?), shared experiences can bring you closer.
• Spending time without distractions: Put away your devices and focus on each other, even if it’s just for an hour. Even in a long-term relationship, you still have to date each other. Why not try a free date, like a game night or hike?
• Creating small daily rituals: A morning coffee together, an evening walk, or a nightly check-in before bed can make all the difference. We live in a busy world, so these pockets of time must be intentionally set aside, otherwise they just don’t happen. 
• Being present in everyday moments: Watching a movie together? Actually watch it. Running errands? Make it fun, grab coffee, and use it as a time to chat.

What if you give and receive love differently?

Not everyone prioritizes quality time the same way. If your partner’s Love Language type is physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, or receiving gifts, they may not realize how much this matters to you.

The key is compatibility—understanding each other’s needs and meeting halfway. Here’s how to bridge the gap:

• Communicate your needs clearly.  Let your partner know what quality time means to you and why it’s important.
• Recognize their preferences too. If they express love differently, acknowledge it and find ways to incorporate both needs.
• Make compromises. If they’re not naturally wired for deep conversation, start small with check-ins during dinner or short walks together.
• Find common ground. Blend each other’s preferences. If they value acts of service, baking brownies together could be the perfect way to connect.

Quality time in a digital age

In a world filled with distractions, true connection takes effort. Scrolling through social media while sitting next to your partner doesn’t count. Neither does watching TV together if you’re both zoned out.

To create meaningful quality time, try these simple shifts:

• Set “no phone” zones during meals or date nights.
• Schedule regular time together, even if life gets busy.
• Choose experiences over passive activities. 

Quality time isn’t about clocking in hours, it’s about making the moments you spend together count. If quality time is your Love Language type, don’t be afraid to express it. And if it’s not your partner’s, find ways to meet each other’s needs.