By Chloe Laws 

The “three month rule” suggests that a relationship should either progress or fizzle out within about three months of dating. Essentially, by the 90-day mark, you should either be fully committed or realize it’s not working and move on. But where did this rule come from? And does it actually hold any weight, or is it just another arbitrary dating milestone someone, somewhere, made up?

Where did the “three month rule” come from?

Unlike some well-known dating “rules” (think: wait three days before texting), the “three month rule” isn’t as easy to trace back to a single source. Some believe it originated from pop culture, particularly rom-coms that tend to show relationships reaching a pivotal moment around the three-month mark. Others suggest it evolved from dating forums and advice columns, where people noticed a common pattern of relationships either deepening or fizzling out after three months.

Recently, it’s gone viral, fully entering the zeitgeist. But is this just another social media trend, or does science back it up?

Is there any truth to the “three month rule”?

While the “three month rule” isn’t a hard and fast law of dating, there is some psychological reasoning behind it.

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and relationship expert, suggests that early-stage romantic infatuation lasts roughly three to six months, as the brain is flooded with dopamine and oxytocin. This neurochemical high makes people idealize their partners, focus on their positive qualities, and minimize red flags.

A 2010 study in the journal Personal Relationships found that breakup rates spike around the three-month mark as the initial attraction gives way to reality. Simply put, by the time you’ve been dating for three months, you’re no longer just seeing someone’s highlight reel, you’re seeing the unfiltered version. This is when compatibility, values, and long-term potential become clearer.

Does the “three month rule” actually work?

The idea that every relationship should hit a turning point at three months is, of course, oversimplified. Love doesn’t follow a script, and relationships don’t fit neatly into boxes. Some couples define their relationship after a few weeks, while others take months, or even years.

However, what the “three month rule” does highlight is the importance of reflection. If you’ve been dating for three months and aren’t sure where things are going, it may be worth checking in with yourself:

• Do I see a future with this person?
• Are we compatible beyond the initial attraction?
• Do I feel emotionally secure and valued in this relationship?
• Have any red flags appeared that I ignored in the beginning?

If the answers to these questions leave you feeling uncertain, it might be time for an open conversation with your partner about where things stand.

The “three month rule” and breakups

The “three month rule” doesn’t just apply to relationships, it’s also a popular idea when it comes to breakups. Some people believe that it takes around three months to “get over” a past relationship. That being said, there’s no universal formula for moving on. Some people bounce back quickly, while others take much longer.

The key takeaway? Give yourself grace. If you’re still hurting after three months, that’s okay. Healing isn’t a race, and comparing your progress to an arbitrary timeline won’t do you any favors.

Should you follow the “three month rule”?

At the end of the day, the “three month rule” is just another dating guideline, not a rule set in stone. Rather than treating it as a deadline, think of it as a natural checkpoint. If you’ve been dating for three months and feel good about where things are headed, great! If you’re confused, it might be time to reassess.

However, don’t let the “three month rule” pressure you into making a decision you’re not ready for. Relationships should unfold naturally, not according to a timeline dictated by pop culture or social expectations.

There’s no one-size-fits-all formula for love. While the “three month rule” makes for a neat social media trend, relationships are rarely that simple. Yes, the three-month mark can be a pivotal moment, but every couple is different.