For Madi and Logan, It Was Important to Be Radically Honest in Their Profiles, and It Paid Off
By Rosemary Donahue
The third time was the charm for Madi and Logan. When she first came across him on another dating app, she was intrigued. But when she came back to look at the app later, his profile had disappeared, and she figured she’d missed her shot. The second time Madi got a chance, it was on Bumble; she saw Logan’s profile and they matched, but she accidentally let the match expire. This time, however, she decided to upgrade her account so the two could Rematch. “I felt like we’d have a really good connection,” she recalls.
Madi, a yoga instructor and writer in Kansas City, Mo., says that, in general, dating as a bisexual woman in the midwest can be a thin line to walk. Either you’re matching with women who are part of a couple or just want to be friends, or you’re matching with men who are “a little too excited” that you’re bi. “It was just hard to find like other queer people in general,” she explains, though that’s not the only reason she was drawn to Logan, a freelance videographer. She liked that they were both very honest and transparent on their profiles. “I wrote, ‘I’m very liberal, and bisexual. If you’re not about it, then you should probably swipe left on me,’” she says.
Madi appreciated Logan’s openness in his profile as well—something that was intentional, he explains. “I started off using Bumble not knowing if I was transgender or if I’m a cross-dresser of some sort,” Logan says. “So the most important thing was to put my full self on my profile so that anyone that’s gonna talk to me already knows and there’s no secrets to begin with.” In his profile, he mentioned that while he identified as straight, he enjoyed femininity, and included some photos of himself in drag.
About a week after they matched and their first conversation, which was exchanged excitedly in paragraph-long messages, Logan suggested they meet up. He also planned their date, offering multiple suggestions for Madi to choose from. This initiative impressed her. “I had literally never had anyone do that for me,” she says. “I had always had to be the driving force in relationships to do anything, really.” They ended up going to a bar and closing it down. “We got every hard conversation out on the first date: sex, politics, religion, if we want to have kids. There was no fluff to it,” says Logan. This first date also ended up setting the tone for their relationship. “We got to the point, and that’s our style,” says Logan. “If you want to sum our relationship up in one phrase, it would be ‘we get to the point.’”
Logan calls their style of communication the “gold standard,” and says that after date two, there were basically no secrets. Madi agrees that their communication is the best she’s ever experienced in a relationship. “Having that foundation of trust has allowed so much more space for other things in our relationship and in my own life,” she says. “And I just had never experienced that before. He truly makes me a better communicator and I’ve never been with someone so honest and supportive.” Madi says it’s been important not only in how she relates to Logan, but changed how she connects with other people she’s close to, as well. For instance, she’s learned that it’s okay that she needs a little extra time to process how she feels about things sometimes, and gives herself that time before responding.
They’ve been together a year now, and Logan says that Madi constantly (and pleasantly) surprises him with her openness to revisit conversations about gender. “Now, I’m more solidified in living some kind of duality between gender, whether that’s masculine- or feminine-presenting,” says Logan. “I don’t believe I’m trans at this point, but I’ve been happily surprised that even a year into the relationship, none of our conversations are closed doors,” he says. Allowing each other room to evolve and grow is a crucial element of their connection, as is being comfortable with change.
Looking back, Madi can’t believe that she was ready to take a break from dating right before coming across Logan’s profile. For his part, Logan admits he probably would have been too shy to ever approach her in a bar. “That’s so not my personality,” he says. “There’s a 1% chance that we would have found each other, and it’s amazing that we did, because there’s no other way that our paths would have crossed.” Madi agrees: “I donʼt know if we would have ever met if it wasn’t for Bumble. I’m so grateful to have met my partner who I love deeply, and I’m excited for what the future holds.”