By Sara Macauley

The dating world has its fair share of characters. There’s the ghoster who vanishes just when things feel like they’re getting serious. There’s the love bomber who sweeps you off your feet, then disappears. And then there’s the breadcrumber, who strings you along with crumbs. 

It’s important to remember these are more than just bad dating tropes—they’re behavior patterns that have a negative impact on the other person’s wellbeing. When you’re genuinely connecting with someone, breadcrumbing can feel like you’re stuck in an endless loop of false promises and canceled plans, dating without ever really moving forward.

Knowing the signs of breadcrumbing means you can focus your time and energy on people who give you their all. Because let’s be honest—you deserve more than just crumbs when it comes to romance. 

What is breadcrumbing?

A breadcrumber will give you just enough attention to keep you interested, but stop short of anything meaningful, leaving a ‘trail of breadcrumbs’ in their wake. This hot and cold behavior can leave you feeling uncertain about the nature of your relationship—and questioning where you stand.

“Breadcrumbing is a manipulative tactic that can happen to anyone,” explains psychotherapist and author Tasha Bailey. “It occurs when someone shows you small bits of attention and affection but never commits any real-time or emotional energy to the relationship.”

Essentially, breadcrumbers are romantic interests that lead you on, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. It’s frustrating. Especially when you’ve put your time and energy into something that feels promising, only to be left with nothing but canceled plans and sporadic texts.

Why do people breadcrumb?

Breadcrumbing has different motivations. Sometimes, people aren’t even aware they’re doing it. But in other cases, it’s driven by narcissistic tendencies. These individuals may ignore the other person’s feelings, prioritizing what boosts their own ego and what makes them feel good.

“A person will breadcrumb because while they may be interested in the particular person, they don’t necessarily want a committed relationship and want to keep their options open,” explains relationship scientist and therapist Dr. Marisa T. Cohen.

Just like being ghosted or stood up, getting breadcrumbed has everything to do with the other person’s behavior and not your own. 

“In response to being breadcrumbed, we might find ourselves compensating for their lack of attention by giving them more of our time,” explains Tasha. 

Breadcrumbing can leave you tangled in self-doubt. When someone keeps you hanging with just enough attention to keep you interested, it’s easy to start second-guessing yourself: Am I asking for too much? Am I not enough? If it’s starting to impact your self-esteem, it’s time to take a breather.

The signs of breadcrumbing 

Breadcrumbing can be tricky to spot because it often starts on a high note—think lots of compliments and attention that makes you feel like you’re on cloud nine. ‘Love bombing’ is another dating term commonly associated with breadcrumbing, as it’s not unusual for breadcrumbers to fall quickly, but get cold feet as the relationship gets serious. 

As time goes on, the signs will be easier to spot. Tasha warns us to look out for “inconsistent communication, vague or extravagant promises, and a pattern of never making concrete plans or canceling them last minute.” Breadcrumbing can show up as someone being super consistent one week—making plans and keeping the energy high—only to go offline and stop replying. One day, they’re showering you with flirty messages, and the next, their replies are cold and distant. 

Dr. Cohen notes that if you ask for more time or intimacy, a breadcrumber might react by going quiet.

“They may start to pull back if you get too close and conversely, will be more attentive when they perceive you pulling away,” she explains.

What to say if you think you’re being breadcrumbed

“Firstly, if you think you’re being breadcrumbed, it’s important to spend time reflecting on what you want out of the relationship, before having a conversation about it,” says Dr. Cohen. “Be clear about your needs so that you can determine if they can be met.” If you’re looking for commitment and the other person isn’t willing to give you that, then it’s probably time to consider if the relationship is going to work for you.

“If you notice someone breadcrumbing you, it’s OK to be direct,” says Tasha. Have an honest chat about the behaviors you’ve noticed and how they affect you. If the person you’re dating gaslights you into believing you’re overreacting or isn’t willing to address your concerns, that’s a red flag, and probably a sign to prioritize yourself. “Chasing them won’t change their behavior or their level of interest,” she continues. “You shouldn’t have to compromise your own needs, wants, or values for someone who isn’t willing to put in the effort to meet them.”

If you’ve been on the receiving end of breadcrumbing, it’s time to put some boundaries in place. Take a step back, reconnect with your dating intentions, and you’ll be in a better position to find the relationship you deserve.

Can I report breadcrumbing on Bumble?

While there isn’t a specific feature for reporting breadcrumbing on Bumble, we’d encourage you to take action if you feel like you’re on the receiving end of it. Put your wellbeing first, and Unmatch if you feel like the relationship is negatively affecting you. Your time and emotions are valuable and if they’re not bringing the energy, it’s your cue to leave them behind.