By Ashley Edwards Walker

There’s no way to sugarcoat it: being cheated on is one of the hardest things to go through. The fallout doesn’t just affect your relationship—it can ripple out in other ways too. Infidelity can shake your trust in others, make you doubt your judgment, and leave you feeling uncertain about the future.

Whether you decide to fix a relationship after cheating or go your separate ways depends on the events that led to the betrayal—and your individual circumstances. Factors like how the infidelity took place, whether or not you want to (or feel you can) rebuild trust, and your personal values all play a role in determining whether you still want to be with your partner, or if it’s time to move on. You don’t need to make decisions right away.

Whether you choose to stay, break up, or take a breather—the key is to listen to yourself, understand your feelings, and prioritize your wellbeing. Here, we’ve put together an expert-backed guide to help you navigate the next steps. 

How To Decide Whether You Want To Fix a Relationship After Cheating Happens

Pause before taking action

When you’ve been cheated on, it’s not just hurt—it’s a mix of shock, grief, and everything in between. Licensed marriage therapist and infidelity recovery expert Idit Sharoni recommends waiting “at least a month”, before making any decisions about the next steps. 

“Expect really intense, strong, sometimes conflicting feelings, like you are on a roller coaster,” says Idit, of the initial fallout period, adding that because you can’t control when or how these emotions show up, it can be hard to figure out what you actually want during this tumultuous period. If you’re able to, take time out to process your emotions. This might look like taking a break from being around your partner, spending time alone, or seeking support from friends or a therapist. It’s about giving yourself permission to process the shock. 

Create a circle of support 

When you’re in crisis, outside support systems, such as individual and couples therapy, can offer a new perspective. Of course, it’s always good to lean on friends and family during the difficult days ahead. But there is one caveat. 

“Be careful when taking advice from people very close to you, because, naturally, they’ll feel protective and this can cloud their judgment,” advises Idit. 

If you decide you want to fix a relationship after cheating, but the person you confided in remains angry on your behalf, it can create problems. Instead of a sibling or best friend, consider reaching out to someone who has a little more distance from the situation. They can offer a clearer, more balanced perspective—without letting their personal feelings cloud their judgment.

Set boundaries (emotional and physical)

In the aftermath of betrayal, “boundaries are paramount,” says Janie Lacy, a licensed therapist and relationship trauma expert. Establish some kind of physical separation, at least temporarily, by asking the person who cheated to move out/stay with friends/sleep on the couch. Getting physical again can just add more confusion and make things even more complicated.

“Having physical boundaries allows you to have sexual boundaries, which allows you mental, spiritual, and emotional boundaries,” says Janie. “Preserving these gives you the time and space needed to process without the other person interfering.” 

Boundaries also help you avoid making decisions you might regret later. When you’re feeling all those raw emotions, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment—whether that’s rushing back into intimacy or agreeing to things because you’re feeling guilty or scared. Setting limits gives you the space to make decisions based on what you really need, not just what feels easiest right then. 

Identify what went wrong in the relationship

“When someone cheats, there’s always a reason,” points out Jennifer Teplin, the founder and clinical director of Manhattan Wellness. 

Whether it’s a need not being met, a lack of intimacy or the relationship just isn’t working, identifying the root issue will help you fix a relationship after cheating.

“Some people need all of the information,” says Jennifer. “Some people don’t want to know anything. It’s important to figure out what type of person you are and to confirm that your partner is also willing to support you through that process so you guys can get to a good place.”

The aim is to get to a place where you can discuss what went wrong openly—without letting blame or anger take over. You’ll need to figure out what kind of information you need and whether your partner is committed to the work it will take to heal. This is crucial for deciding whether to move forward. 

Rebuild trust after cheating

Infidelity is really a breach of trust, and both people in the relationship play a key role in what happens next. The person who cheated can work to rebuild trust by acting in trustworthy ways, but the person who was betrayed also has the choice to decide whether or not they’re willing to trust again.

“It’s not one-sided,” explains Idit. “I like to call it ‘earned trust’ rather than rebuilding trust because earned trust is understanding both partners have the power to do something about it.”

Stay patient with each other 

The truth is, while the pain might never completely go away, it will soften with time. After cheating happens, everything feels intense and overwhelming, but eventually, it becomes easier to handle.

“We know it takes two to five years on average to build back trust in a relationship that has been torn down by infidelity,” says Janie. “It comes down to deciding whether you’re up for the work—individual and joint—needed to move forward, whatever that looks like.”

You don’t need to have it all figured out today, tomorrow, or even next week. What matters is that you’re honoring your emotions and your needs, without pressure or judgment.

“We’ve worked with a lot of couples who become stronger after an affair,” says Janie. “And we know other couples who eventually get divorced. My point is that there’s no rush to decide. It’s more important to prioritize their needs and feelings first.” 

It’s easy to feel rushed to make a decision after infidelity. Even if you want to fix a relationship after cheating, the first step is taking care of yourself. Give yourself space to process what happened, and let that guide your next move, whether it’s working through the relationship or moving on.