By Stacey Carter

We often search for a blueprint when it comes to love, but the truth is—no two relationships look the same. One couple might attend every calendar invite together, while the others ride solo. Some text all day; others just send memes. Relationships are complicated, messy, and nuanced, and that’s why we’re all so obsessed with the intricacies of them. 

But there are a few habits that show up again and again in healthy relationships. Take this study from the University of Kansas, which found that couples who laugh and joke together more are often happier in their relationship. Obviously, nothing says modern-day love like sharing reels, but laughter does more than just connect; it creates intimacy, diffuses tension, and reminds you that when life gets tough, connection is the key to powering through. 

Healthy relationship dynamics are not innate qualities you either have or don’t—they’re learned and practiced. To dig into what the most important types of dynamics are, we spoke to the experts at Manhattan Wellness. 

5 couple dynamics that make a healthy and happy relationship 

1. They create emotional safety

Everyone has off days, weird thoughts, messy feelings, and mood swings, but feeling emotionally safe in a relationship means knowing your partner won’t look for the exit door when you’re not at your best. 

“Emotional safety allows both partners to be vulnerable without fear of being judged, dismissed, or punished,” explains associate therapist Colette Sachs. “It’s the baseline for healthy communication and growth.”

Emotional safety is created by active listening, being responsive rather than reactive, and showing up with honesty and care. When you both feel safe enough to be vulnerable and transparent, it shows that you’re on each other’s team.

2. They respect each other’s space

Healthy couples get that independence isn’t a threat to their bond, and that time apart, solo hobbies, and breathing room actually add to the relationship, not subtract from it.

“Harnessing your independence, while also feeling you have someone in your life you can depend on, is essential,” says associate therapist Jacqulen Glintz. “Prioritizing your own needs and investing in yourself allows for greater inner strength and satisfaction. It can also positively impact one’s role as a partner because having that sense of identity positively impacts what you give to the relationship.” 

Space looks different for every couple. What matters is not taking it personally when the other person needs to emotionally recharge. You both get to have your own lives and share one together. That balance is what keeps your dynamic healthy, energized, and rooted in mutual respect.

3. They fight fair

Every couple disagrees. Happy ones just know how to do it well. No name-calling, no scorekeeping—just clear communication, deep breaths, and knowing when one (or both of you) needs to take a pause. 

“The reality is there will be challenges that arise in relationships and times we may have different perspectives,” says Jacqulen. “What matters is the ability to hear one another’s needs while also being able to vocalize your own in addition to having the tools to problem-solve.”

Remember: the goal isn’t to “win” the argument, it’s to understand each other and find a solution you’re both comfortable with. 

4. They grow in the same direction

Lasting love means more than just co-existing. Relationships need to stretch and grow as you move through the different stages of life. Knowing when to ask, “Are we still on the same page here?” doesn’t mean you’ve drifted apart—it’s more about realigning both of you. 

“A shared vision is needed to allow both of you to grow together instead of separately,” says senior therapist Elizabeth Marks. “Even if you’re speaking or thinking about a goal that is specific to your partner, without communication and transparency around the why and how, it creates distance.” 

You don’t need identical goals for a healthy, happy relationship, but you do need to be able to understand why something matters to your partner, and why, therefore, it should matter to you. Happy couples celebrate the wins, big and small. Whether it’s a promotion or just surviving a mad Monday at work, they show up and remind each other, “we’ve got this.” 

5. They share similar (or the same) values

In the initial stages of dating, it’s easy to bond over shared interests like music, memes, and reality TV—but just because you enjoyed Techno when you first met your partner, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to still be interested in it four years in. Interests shift. People change. What actually keeps couples connected is shared values. 

“Great relationships stay alive when there’s an ongoing interest in each other’s inner world,” says Colette. “Curiosity means asking questions, checking in, and not assuming you’ve already figured the other person out. You don’t have to agree on everything, but alignment on core values, commitment, or how you want to grow helps a relationship feel meaningful and sustainable.”

That means your relationship isn’t just built on what you like, but how you move through life: how you want to show up in the world, what commitment looks like to you, how you define success, and where your priorities lie. 

Can relationship dynamics change over time? 

Experts agree that couples can build on healthier dynamics. So even if you think your relationship doesn’t tick every box right now, that doesn’t mean you can’t start moving in the right direction. 

“When I work with couples, I ask them to implement a weekly meeting, whether it’s over coffee on a Sunday morning or a dog walk mid-week,” says Elizabeth. “Then I ask them to check in on ways they have felt supported and ways in which they themselves can improve the following week.”

When you’re not checking in, it’s easy to slip into autopilot or let things go unsaid. Reflecting on your current relationship dynamics and whether they’re still serving you, keeps you connected. It turns the relationship into something that evolves with you, rather than something you’re just trying to maintain. Because where’s the romance in that?