The rules of flirting in person are widely known: eye contact, body language, a smile—but what about on Bumble? You’ve matched, so you both know the other person is interested. Where do you go from here? Read on to find out what might move the connection between you and your match forward, and what usually doesn’t work.   

DO: Ask them questions

Whether you’re making the first move or continuing the conversation, choose something from their profile that stood out to you the most and comment on it. This will show that you’ve really taken the time to read their profile and want to get to know them on a deeper level, which they’ll take as a big compliment! Did they say they’re into binge-watching? Ask about their favorite recent TV series.

Make sure to inject some fun, too. You can ask silly questions like “Would you rather eat only potatoes for a year, or eat potatoes with every meal for ten years?” Or: “How would you eat an olive with a pit in it on a date?” They’ll make your match laugh and show your playful side. 

If you’re stuck on what to ask, try Bumble’s Question Game. From any chat screen, you just need to press the Question Game button. (This looks like a yellow speech bubble with a white quotation mark in the center. You can find it to the right of the text box in any chat window.) You can then shuffle the questions until you find one you like, or type your own. Both you and your match have to respond before either answer is revealed. You could also make questions from Bumble’s Profile Prompts. Turn “If I could have a superpower it’d be…” into “If you could have a superpower, what would it be and why?” (That’s if they haven’t answered it on their profile already, of course!)  

DO: Compliment them 

Bumble is the perfect place to send and receive compliments without pressure. Compliment your match on something you find attractive about them. This doesn’t have to be about their looks! Have they included a photo of themselves doing a daring activity like mountain-climbing? Compliment them on their bravery! Have they linked their Spotify account? Tell them you’re impressed with their eclectic taste in music! 

If you do want to comment on their looks, focus on their face and keep it short, sweet, and casual, like “Wow, you have beautiful eyes!” or “I just had to swipe right on that smile.” A detailed, long message can be too intense, and a comment focused on the person’s body may be unwelcome. Alternatively, you could SuperSwipe their profile! SuperSwipe is a Bumble Premium feature that allows you to show someone you’re really interested in matching with them.

DO: Put yourself out there 

Being yourself on Bumble is the most attractive thing you can do, so don’t be afraid to be as authentic as you can with your match when messaging them. Your wonderful personality will shine through this way, and if it’s your match’s cup of tea, flirting will come naturally to the both of you as you get to know each other. Ask them questions that are important for you to know, share your sense of humor—and most importantly, be kind. 

DON’T: Take the conversation off Bumble without consent

If the conversation fizzles out and you’re not getting a response, or the person has unmatched you (or didn’t with you in the first place), take this as a sign that they’re not the right person for you. Don’t slide into their DMs on a social media platform or otherwise try to reach out. Doing so violates the other person’s boundaries. Remember that there are several reasons why someone may stop responding or unmatch a person, so try not to take it personally, and move on to a new match and conversation.

Sometimes, life happens, and a match may not have responded to your first move because things simply got busy. This is where Bumble’s Extend feature comes in! You can use it to extend time on a match for 24 hours, giving them another chance to spark a conversation. Everyone gets one free Extend a day to use on someone, but Bumble Premium and Bumble Boost subscribers are able to use Extend on an unlimited number of matches.

DON’T: Open the conversation with a sexual or intense question

Unsolicited sexual messages are not allowed on Bumble and sending them will get you banned from using the app. This is because messaging someone with sexual intentions before you’ve established boundaries with them is inappropriate and could make the receiver feel unsafe and uncomfortable. Stick to messages that treat your match like a person, not an object. 

Likewise, don’t open with an overly intense question like “What are your top five baby names?” You may see it as a joke, but your match might not see the funny side and find it awkward and distressing. Serious questions like this can come at a later stage when you and your match are more comfortable with each other.

DON’T: Pester without a response

If your match wants to respond to your message, they will. Though you may think sending multiple messages shows you as a genuine and interested match, it could be perceived as annoying or uncomfortable. 

Of course, people’s lives are busy, and sometimes responding to messages can slip their mind. If it has been several hours or over a day since your match’s last response, a casual “How has your day been?” can be a sweet gesture that serves as a reminder to your match to reply. But if you don’t get a response here, leave it. Try not to take it personally, and move on to another conversation with a different match. If you need some help to revive the conversation in a chat with a match that has gone quiet, check out our post on how to do just that. 

DON’T: Send lewd images without consent 

This is a huge no—and can get you banned from Bumble. Not only is sending an unsolicited lewd image to a match a complete turn-off (and more than likely will not be well-received), it can be violating, distressing, and may trigger past traumas for your match. 

Our safety feature, Private Detector, works to blur a nude image shared within a chat. It’ll then alert the person who has received the image, and it’s up to them to decide whether to view or block the lewd photo in question.  

Everyone should feel safe on Bumble, and by following these tips and tricks to get to know someone in a respectful and consensual way, you’re contributing to a healthier online dating community—and getting one step closer to finding your perfect match.